You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. If I go for ten, I’m probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I’d better make this one count. It’s getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. Ferris: (After his parents leave the house, thinking he is ill) They bought it.This simple ruse tricked his nervous mother into letting him stay home from high school, for the 9th time that semester. This whole movie happened because Ferris Bueller faked a stomach cramp, leaned over, and licked his hands - making them clammy. “How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?” (Ed is stunned speechless as he realizes his mistake) If you don’t like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole’ white butt. Ferris: Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr.Grace: (Picks up ringing phone) Ed Rooney’s office.Cameron: (Disguised) Uh, no my wife’s mother.Ed Rooney: Yeah, that’s right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I’ll dig up your daughter.Cameron: (Disguised) I’m sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?.I’m gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it. Ed Rooney: It’s alright, Grace, it’s Ferris Bueller the little twerp.I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand. Ed Rooney: Uh, yeah, sure, no I’d be happy to, yeah you, uh, you just produce a corpse, and uh, I’ll release Sloane.Well, uh, it’s been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn’t mind excusing Sloane, I’d appreciate it. Ed Rooney: Yeah I heard, and man, I’m all broken up, boy, what a blow.Cameron: (Voice disguised) Well, we’ve had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. Cameron: (Disguising voice as Cameron’s father, George Peterson) Ed.
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